There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. There are beautiful, vibrant, healthy marriages, lots of them, and lots of abject, miserable failures, and a lot of people that semi-comfortably occupy the space in between. My parents didn’t (don’t?I mean, they’re still kicking it) have a perfect marriage and I think ultimately watching them as they rode the highs and lows of a half-lifetime of making space for each other was a good thing for me. Watching them dig in their heels and fight for better or worse showed me that you take the long view, for things that matter.
That’s pretty good advice, I think. Somebody else once told me that you could go to bed mad, it happens, but don’t leave the house without saying “I love you.” I think that one’s pretty good, too.
Marriage doesn’t resemble a Disney movie, and it has nothing at all in common with romantic comedies featuring Katherine Heigl, or Sandra Bullock, although the one with Steve Carrell had some good lines.
Sometimes it can be natural as breathing but. Marriage is really hard, okay? It takes a lot of work so if you’re feeling kind of lazy about the whole thing maybe wait a little while. You can be lazy on Saturday mornings sometimes, if you’re lucky, but you’re talking about making a commitment that doesn’t care if you’re tired or cranky or angry at the world. Sometimes the best thing about marriage is having someone who has your back when you are all those things. Or, alternatively, someone who kicks you in the ass and tells you it’s time to get over yourself. Yay, marriage.
Find someone who is going to be your partner, in all things. You have to like them, you know? The whole point of the endeavor is to ride this relationship train til the end of your days so the chemistry has to be beyond how you two look in the mirror together. Find someone who will be steady for you when the world is dizzy-making. Who makes you giggle inappropriately on occasion. In church. Who isn’t afraid to cry in front of you, either.
If you can find someone who loves you for who you are, but makes you want to be better all the same? Yeah, that’s the one.
Four years ago today I got married. It was forever ago, it was just yesterday. (Protip: If you want to remember any of it, videotape it. We didn’t. I don’t actually remember a damn thing from the ceremony.) I married my husband because he is all of the above. Because I got to see how he would be as a father and that made me fall in love even more. It has not often been easy, because I don’t think that word is fair when you talk about combining lives and making new ones, but it has been worth it. We are on this adventure together, the two of us, the five of us now, our zombie-fighting pirate crew of a family.
Marry the man who looks at you like this:
Marry your best friend. I did. Happy anniversary, boo. Here’s to many more.
No comments:
Post a Comment